Who am I to do this?

Over the years, I’ve worked in various ways; self-employed, employed, and a mixture of the two. Each one comes with its own set of positives and challenges, but something I’ve noticed in all of them, both personally and professionally, is that self-doubt can creep in.

Thoughts like:

• “Who am I to do this?”

• “I’m not as qualified as they think I am.”

• “What if people realise I don’t really know what I’m doing?”

Sound familiar? These thoughts can quietly hold us back - whether it’s stopping you from starting a new business, reaching out to a potential client, or going for a promotion.

So where does self-doubt come from? There are a number of reasons, some of which I set out below:

1. Past Experiences

The messages we receive growing up about success, failure, and what it means to be ‘good enough’ can stick with us more than we realise. They might come from school, family, culture, or early job roles.

Over time, we internalise these ideas, and later experiences or comments can then reinforce them. It’s a bit like carrying around an invisible script.

Even when our life looks very different now, that old script can still be quietly playing in the background.

2. Pressure and Perfectionism

Often this is the pressure that we put on ourselves rather than pressure from external sources.

Maybe it’s that inner voice that tells you everything has to be perfect or that you can’t let people down.

These thoughts can make us hesitant to begin something or stop us from sharing our work unless it feels ‘just right’ but the reality is that often there isn’t a right time and so waiting for perfection just leads to putting things off forever.

A really small example of this could be something as simple as writing a post for social media. I know that in the past I’ve spent hours drafting something only to then not post it because of the doubt that it’s not good enough.

3. Comparison

You’ve probably heard the phrase “comparison is the thief of joy” and it really is. Especially when we’re comparing ourselves to others on social media, where we often only see successes, best moments and curated highlights.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve seen plenty of posts in my feed about people having their best-ever months, smashing 10k goals, launching new offers and it can trigger thoughts that you’re not doing enough.

This effect is also known as “compare and despair” as when we compare with others we usually feel worse about ourselves.

But what we don’t see is their struggles, their doubts and moments of uncertainty. It’s like watching a highlight reel without knowing what happened behind the scenes. That’s why comparison so often fuels self-doubt because we measure our whole story against someone else’s edited version.

4. Uncertainty and Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone

Self-doubt loves to show up when we’re stepping into something new. Whether it’s starting a new job, launching a business, or taking on a new challenge, uncertainty can make even the most qualified person feel like an imposter.

Feeling unsure or “out of our depth” is a normal part of growth, but it can feel really uncomfortable.

I still remember my first counselling session and how I sat there thinking, “What if I forget everything I’ve learned?” However, I didn’t and each session built my confidence. So it’s useful to remember that self-doubt is often merely a reflection of us pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones or starting something new.

 So how do we overcome self-doubt?

Once we start noticing how and when self-doubt shows up, we can begin to take steps that stop it from getting in the way.

Awareness – Noticing and Naming the Doubt

The first step is simply to notice it. Often, these thoughts run in the background. “I can’t do this.” “I’m not good enough.” But when you catch them, try naming them: “Ah, here’s that self-doubt again.”

Then you can ask yourself:

• Is this because I’m doing something new?

• Am I comparing myself?

• Is this an old belief I’ve picked up somewhere along the way?

  
  

Until we start noticing these patterns, we can’t change them.

Challenge the Doubt

You can do this by asking questions such as:

Is this really true?What evidence do I have?

We tend to treat our thoughts as facts, but self-doubt is rarely based on facts. That’s where building an evidence bank comes in handy.

For example, a common self-doubt can be “I’m not as qualified as they think I am." However, if you’ve applied for a job or promotion you will have provided evidence of your qualifications and experience, so unless you’ve lied (which is a whole different issue) then you ARE as qualified as they think because you’ve provided them with the evidence.

It’s also important for us to remind ourselves of our qualifications, the feedback we’ve received, the clients or colleagues who’ve trusted you. This can be difficult to do as we tend to focus on the negative, for example, if I have an appraisal and 99% is positive and 1% is not even bad but is about areas for development then it's likely that I'll focus on the 1%. We therefore need to work harder at capturing the other 99%.

I often suggest creating a ‘positivity bank’ whether it’s a journal, a file on your desktop, or even a jar where you keep post-it notes of achievements and positive feedback. Then when self-doubt shows up, you’ve got something tangible to challenge it.

Build a Supportive Network

When self-doubt shows up, it can feel like you're the only one struggling but often that isn’t the case. Having people around you who get it can make all the difference.

This might be a trusted friend who listens without judgement, a colleague who reminds you what you're capable of, or a mentor who can offer guidance and a wider perspective.

Sometimes we just need someone else to reflect back our strengths when we’ve temporarily lost sight of them ourselves. It’s not about constant reassurance, but about having a space where you can talk things through, feel seen, and be reminded that self-doubt is something we can all experience from time to time.

A Final Thought

When we talk about self-doubt we often treat it like something to overcome – like we have to wait until we feel confident before we can really show up. However, I think it’s really important to recognise that we will never completely eliminate self-doubt because in small doses, it can keep us reflective and help us to keep learning.

Instead, the aim is to notice it, challenge it, and take the action anyway. Whether that’s giving a talk, picking up the phone to a new lead, applying for a new role, or simply posting that thing you’ve been procrastinating over.

If you recognise some of these patterns in yourself and would like a space to explore them further, I offer counselling sessions tailored to you. You can find out more here.