Are you wearing your feelings?

The recent No More Stiff Upper Lip campaign from BACP (British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy) has prompted mixed reactions because of its use of lipstick as a way of highlighting the benefits of therapy.  Whilst its aim of encouraging women over 50 to access support from a registered therapist was well received, there were concerns that giving away lipsticks could unintentionally reinforce stereotypes about appearance and dilute the seriousness of the message around mental wellbeing and therapy.

I have to admit that my initial reaction was that it felt patronising and reductionist, which comes from the way that it was presented rather than its use of lipstick per se. In the right context, I think that there is value in discussing the ways appearance and our mood influence each other, and how that connection can shape confidence and overall wellbeing.

I don’t know about you, but there are times when I deliberately choose what I’m wearing to help me feel more confident and ready to face the day.

More than just fabric

There are many reasons why we wear clothes not least for modesty, but also to keep us warm or cool. They can help us to feel a sense of belonging by identifying that we are part of a particular group; in the 60s it was mods and hippies, the 70s brought disco and punk, the 80s gave us power suits and goth, and the 90s saw grunge, minimalism, and streetwear. Alternatively, our choice of fashion could be an act of rebellion and a way of demonstrating non-conformity.

Uniforms are one of the clearest ways that clothing can be used as a form of identification, whether that’s for school or work. Even in professions where there isn’t a uniform, dress codes can set expectations; back when I worked in law, suits were expected to be navy or black. Working as a therapist gives me far more freedom in what I wear, though I’ll admit that every now and then I catch myself slipping into the stereotypical cardigan-and-scarf “therapist” look (see below!).

The Psychology Behind the Power of Clothing

What we wear can really affect how we feel. Sometimes it’s positive like wearing a favourite dress, or dare I say it, putting on some make-up. However, there may also be times when what we wear may create anxiety or dread. For example, if someone is unhappy at work, putting on a shirt and tie may signal stepping into a day of stress and pressure.

There's actually scientific backing for this connection. Enclothed cognition, is a psychological concept identified in 2012 by researchers Hajo Adam and Adam Galinsky, that explains how what we wear can influence how we think, feel and behave. In one study, participants who wore a lab coat performed better on tasks requiring attention than those who didn’t wear one.   It doesn’t mean clothes magically transform personality, but rather that they can act as cues. If you associate a suit and tie with competence, you may feel more capable when you wear it. If you associate loungewear with rest, your energy might dip when you’re in it.

Another example of a link between what we wear and how we feel is the increasingly popular idea of "dopamine dressing"; choosing clothes specifically to boost dopamine, which is also known as the "feel-good" hormone. This could be wearing bright colours e.g. choosing a yellow jumper on a grey morning, but it’s more about personal preference, so those who know me will recognise that I will often wear blue as it's one of my favourite colours.

Alternatively, sometimes what we wear can be a way to hide how we’re feeling or who we are; disappearing into oversized clothes, choosing dark colours to avoid being noticed or dressing in a way that feels safe. There's nothing inherently wrong with this, especially as it’s important to recognise that we may need this protection, but it is worth noticing when our wardrobe choices become more about hiding rather than about feeling comfortable in our own skin.

The Weight of Judgment

Whether we like it or not, our clothing choices may also influence how others perceive and treat us. Judgments about our competence, trustworthiness, and social status are made within seconds of seeing us, often based upon how we look or what we're wearing. A well-tailored suit might open doors in certain professional settings, whilst tattoos or unconventional styles might close them in others.

This external judgment therefore adds another layer of complexity to our relationship with clothing, as we may not be dressing just for ourselves. For many people, but women in particular, there can be a lifetime of messaging about how they should look to be acceptable – which is precisely why the lipstick campaign struck such a nerve. 

The Inside-Outside Balance

Whilst feeling confident in what we wear can give a boost, it’s not as simple as saying that putting on makeup or a favourite outfit is instantly going to make us feel better about ourselves. Confidence and self-image are influenced by a range of factors, both internal and external. Our past experiences, the feedback we’ve received from others, and the messages we’ve absorbed from society all shape how we see ourselves.

Internally, our thoughts, beliefs, and emotional state play a huge role. For example, people who tend to be self-critical or ruminate on perceived mistakes often struggle to feel confident, regardless of how they may appear externally. Our self-talk and personal narratives shape the lens through which we interpret the world and how we see ourselves.

Externally, feedback from others can either reinforce or undermine confidence. Repeated criticism, comparison or scrutiny, particularly around appearance, can chip away at self-esteem over time. Even subtle signals, like being stared at, create pressure that can affect how we carry ourselves and how we interact socially.

Confidence is strongest when there is alignment between how we feel both on the inside and outside. Taking care of appearance can support this alignment, but it only works when it’s paired with self-acceptance.

Putting it into Practice

Understanding the link between appearance and self-image is one thing — putting it into practice is another. Some things that may help are:

• Choosing clothes that feel authentic and comfortable.

• Noticing negative self-talk and reframing it with more supportive, realistic thoughts.

• Limiting exposure to unrealistic comparisons online or in media.

  
  

Therapy can play a role here, not by trying to fix how you look, but by helping you to reconnect with your sense of self-worth, challenge unhelpful beliefs, and feel more at ease in your own skin, whatever that looks like for you.

Choice not expectation

Whilst there is a link between how we look and how we feel, the key is keeping the focus on choice rather than expectation. You're allowed to care about your appearance, but you're equally allowed not to. One day you might want to dress for success, but another day you might simply want to pull on your comfy joggers. There's no right or wrong - it's about giving yourself permission to show up however you want to on any given day.

If any of this has resonated and you'd like support in exploring your relationship with self-care, appearance, or confidence, please do get in touch to find out how I can help.

📞 07543 408551

📧 susan@sccounselling.co.uk

💻 www.sccounselling.co.uk