The End of an Era
- Susan Carr
- May 31
- 3 min read
I know it’s a cliché, but this week three legends have left Manchester City – Bernardo Silva, John Stones and Pep Guardiola.
Don’t worry, this isn’t a blog about football but rather a reflection on endings, which are something that come up a lot in counselling.
Endings are a natural part of life and can show up in lots of different ways: the transition from day to night, from the working week to the weekend, the changing of the seasons, the finale of a favourite TV series or the end of the football season. Alongside these everyday moments, there are more significant endings such as the end of a relationship, the loss of a job or the death of a loved one, which may carry much more emotional weight.
They can be planned or unplanned, gradual or sudden, chosen or imposed on us and may evoke a range of emotions. An expected ending may feel easier to manage if we have time to plan our next steps (for example moving from high school to college). A sudden, unexpected ending, however, can feel much more like a sucker punch.
Navigating endings can feel uncomfortable because they often involve change, loss and uncertainty. Even when an ending is the right decision or brings a positive change, there can still be a period of grief and adjustment that follows. However, we don’t always give ourselves space to process the emotions that come with this. Instead, a common way of coping can be to avoid or push aside those feelings in order to carry on.
Although our response to endings will differ according to the unique circumstances of the situation, it can be useful to think about our general approach to them. One way to do this is to imagine you are at a party and consider how you go about leaving. Do you quietly slip away unnoticed or do you make sure that you say goodbye to everyone there? There's no right answer here; it’s simply a way of noticing our own patterns and what endings might bring up for us.
It can also be helpful to reflect on how our response to endings may be influenced by past experiences. Earlier endings in life, particularly those that felt significant or difficult, may shape how we experience change in the present.
Sometimes the emotions connected to an ending are not just about the ending itself. We may also find ourselves reflecting on what that period of life represented, the memories attached to it, or who we were during that time.
So, going back to Pep Guardiola for a moment, for many fans the sadness may not just be about losing a great manager, but also about how his 10 years in charge overlapped with events in their own lives: births, deaths, marriages, house moves, redundancies and promotions.
Endings in Therapy
Endings are an integral part of therapy. They may relate directly to what brings someone into therapy, such as bereavement, redundancy or relationship breakdown, or they may be explored more generally in relation to how a person experiences endings. Importantly, the ending of therapy itself can also be a therapeutic experience in its own right.
In practice, therapy can come to an end in a number of different ways. This may be a planned or agreed ending, for example, where there is a set number of sessions or where both client and therapist feel that the aims of therapy have been achieved. At other times, a client may choose to stop attending for a range of reasons, such as time constraints, cost, or because it no longer feels helpful. In some cases, therapy may end due to circumstances beyond the control of either the client or therapist, such as illness, family responsibilities or logistical reasons.
A good ending in therapy involves making space to acknowledge that the work is coming to a close. It is a collaborative process, where the ending is held and thought about together. This allows time to reflect on what has been helpful, recognise change and progress, and consider what is being taken forward into life beyond therapy.
If any of this has resonated and you'd like a space to explore your experiences of endings and what they bring up for you, please do get in touch.
📞 07543 408551
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