Are You Treating Your Thoughts as Facts?

Do you find yourself replaying conversations, worrying that you've said the wrong thing?

If you make a mistake at work, do you think to yourself, "I'm useless."

Do you assume that someone is upset with you if you don’t get a reply to a message you’ve sent?

If. any of these sound familiar, you're not alone.

Although there is no agreement about the number of thoughts that we have each day (estimates vary between 6,000 and 60,000), one thing is clear our minds can be very busy and many of the thoughts that we have are automatic. Some of these thoughts can be helpful (e.g. “I need to remember to buy milk on the way home”), however they can also be unhelpful and leave us feeling more anxious, stressed or self-critical.

Examples of unhelpful thinking styles, which are sometimes also referred to as cognitive distortions, include:

All-or-nothing thinking

Seeing things in black and white, with no middle ground.

Overgeneralisation

Taking one negative experience and applying it to all situations.

Mental filtering

Focusing on one negative detail while overlooking the positives.

Discounting the positive

Dismissing successes, compliments or achievements as not counting or being due to luck.

Jumping to conclusions

Reaching a conclusion without having all the facts,

Mind reading

Assuming you know what someone else is thinking, usually believing they think negatively about you.

Fortune telling

Predicting that something will go wrong before it has even happened.

Catastrophising

Imagining the worst possible outcome. These thoughts often start with “What if….”

Emotional reasoning

Believing something must be true because it feels true. For example, "I feel like a failure, so I must be one."

'Should' and 'must' statements

Setting rigid rules that often lead to guilt, frustration or disappointment.

Labelling

Defining yourself by one behaviour, such as "I'm useless" rather than "I made a mistake."

Personalisation

Taking responsibility for things that aren't entirely your fault or assuming events are about you when they may not be.

It is common to have these thoughts from time to time, but problems can arise when we start to treat our thoughts as facts.     That may sound strange, but without realising it, we can get into the habit of acting on our thoughts rather than the facts.   

For example, imagine that you are walking down the street and see your neighbour.     You smile and wave, but they don’t wave back. That is the factual situation.    However, what happens next will often depend on how you interpret that event.    If you think that you were deliberately ignored by the neighbour then you may feel upset or angry, whereas if you thought that they didn’t see you because they weren’t wearing their glasses, then you are less likely to take it personally.

Similarly, how we feel about making a mistake at work (the fact) will vary depending on what we tell ourselves about that mistake.  We are likely to feel negatively if our first thought is "I'm useless at my job”, whereas reminding ourselves that it is normal to make mistakes gives a more balanced perspective.

This is not always about knowing which is the correct interpretation, but recognising that our minds will often fill the gaps with one explanation without pausing to explore other possibilities.

You Don't Have to Believe Every Thought You Have

The good news is that you don't have to believe every thought that pops into your head.

The first step is to simply notice your thoughts, what they are and how frequently you have them.    I will often notice if a client is regularly using the word “should” and may encourage them to look out for this for themselves between sessions.

Developing a sense of curiosity can be a helpful way to gently challenge these thoughts by asking questions such as:

• Is there another way of looking at this situation?

• What evidence do I have that this thought is true?

• What evidence contradicts this thought?

• What would someone else say about this situation?

  
  

It can also be useful to think about what you would say to a friend who was having the same thought. We are often much more compassionate towards others than we are towards ourselves, and learning to offer ourselves that same kindness can help us to become less self-critical.

Change takes practice

Many of our thinking patterns have developed over time, and have been shaped by our experiences, relationships, and the ways we have learnt to cope. This means that changing them isn't something that happens overnight, as learning to think differently is just like learning any new skill; it takes time and practice.

I sometimes compare it to having a new kitchen fitted. For years, you've kept the tea towels in the same drawer so you automatically reach for that drawer every time you need one. Initially, you will have to remind yourself that they are in a different place but the more you do this, the more natural it becomes until one day you find yourself reaching for the new drawer without even thinking about it.

Although it may not be possible to stop all unhelpful thoughts, with practice you can change your relationship with them. Rather than accepting them as facts, you can learn to pause, question them and respond with greater balance and self-compassion.

 If any of this has resonated and you'd like a space to explore your thinking patterns, please do get in touch.

📞 07543 408551

📧 susan@sccounselling.co.uk

💻 www.sccounselling.co.uk 

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